Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
