a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
