hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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