just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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