i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
