you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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