Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
