The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
