these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
