i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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