hotel room ftw
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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