she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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