In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
