Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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