How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
