cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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