i wish there were pregnant emoticons
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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