As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
