Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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