Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
