I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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