he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize