why didn't you poke me back
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
