I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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