What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I am one with the molecules
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
