Do you still have your period?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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