We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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