There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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