I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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