I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He felt like a one man threesome
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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