Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
