Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
tell me about the eggs
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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