Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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