Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
