I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
