My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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