I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
