my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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