the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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