I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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