This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
