Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
This is classic penis vs brain.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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