morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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