I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My liver just had a heart attack.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
