We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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