I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
