My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I have fence marks all over my body
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
