New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
