i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
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