used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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