I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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