just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
