i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
