who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
