I wish I only lived at night.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
