my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
