So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
that may or may not have been my penis.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
