Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
