none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
