Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
