you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
