I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
So here I am, sexting at work.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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