put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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