Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
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and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
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My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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