i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
