Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
