Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
