Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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