I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I supernannyed him into submission
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
